Despite the dismal decision by the California Supreme Court today in upholding Proposition 8, I'm turning on "When You Say Nothing At All" and thinking about my wonderful boyfriend and all that we share.

Maintain thankfulness for what you have and continue to fight for what you should with the passion that the former inspires.  This seems to be an acceptable working definition of dignified, sophisticated attempts at social change and I hope to embody such a definition.

Up and At 'Em, Adam Ant

Every morning during my childhood my mom would wake me with the same line.  She would come into my room and say, "Up and at 'em," but would tack on "...Adam Ant!"  I always wondered who this Adam the Ant was and why he was able to get "up and at 'em" with so much ease.

Granulated and Refined, Graduated

The graduation experience feels much like a time I went body boarding with my brother.

The San Diego waves were welcoming to two Colorado boys trying to act like they knew what they were doing under a warm California sun.  After an hour or so of awkwardness and spitting out salty sea water, I managed to catch a particularly "good wave."  I felt pretty damn accomplished as I rode it towards the shore, my board, with my body perfectly balanced on top,  riding in the crest of white wash on the top of the curl.  I could see the sleek curve of the cold blue water below me.  The power of the wave, as it catapulted me towards the sand felt like someone had tied a pickup truck to my belt and hit the pedal.  I gripped the front of my board, trying not to let the power of the wave throw me off its back and I'm sure I had a shit-eating grin plastered across my face.  As the four-foot crest carried me closer to the beach, I reveled in the experience.

However, the wave preceding my monster was beginning its retreat to the open ocean and began to pull my wave with it.  In a couple of seconds, the waves had come together and the power of the first redirected my wave out from under me.  I sat in mid air, like the Coyote aboard his ACME rocket, having just gone off a cliff and waiting for gravity to kick in.  The faceplant into the sand taught me quite a lesson.

I'm on my way back to California tomorrow.  Back to a new apartment in West Hollywood, a wonderful and loving boyfriend, his beautiful dog, and the prospect of a very exciting summer.  Looming in the background, is of course, the sudden Coyote-in-mid-air feeling that comes from a busy three weeks culminating in a full-stop.  Finals, family, graduation, friends, accomplishment, home, Kyle's graduation, parties and prospects are leaving me quite anxious in the face of a new chapter.  The job will come, the adventures are to begin, and I'm sure I'll find a wonderful way.  But for now, I'm trying to at least get in touch with this feeling of slight,  not exactly uncomfortable anxiety that seems natural of these times and keeping it from disrupting my thoughts.

Like the sand that I hit after my wave ran out, I have been granulated and refined.  What was a block of stone in the beginning, is now a multi-facetted collection of millions of parts - experiences, people, places, times, adventure, lessons.  A beach as a whole, made of parts - granulated and refined.  Tomorrow, the beaches of L.A....

Web Kiss

Lovin' on my handsome man - thank you interwebs!  :-)

April 1 - April 5

My last days in the Adams House will be spent collecting a photo a day.  These represent parts of, people, or times in the house that I will always remember as part of this quintessential experience that I am so blessed to have enjoyed...

Drove home on Tuesday night to surprise my parents.  I'd never done the drive between Los Angeles and Colorado in one shot, but it was exceptionally fun - even in the dark.  Thirteen hours ended up being:

- leave The Adams House at 11:00pm

- six pit stops for coffee (total of $7.23 for six cups)

- three shooting stars

- finding out that country music keeps me more awake than any other genre

- hitting 300 miles at 3:30am, just outside Vegas

- my car's moon shadow on the pavement

- dedicating every crooning cowboy love song to my beau

- remembering a wild morning of under-age gambling at the Virgin River Casino in Mesquite

- 4:11am, Arizona state line

- listening to Thriller and thinking of Erin's dance moves

- 4:33am, Utah state line

- the awesomeness of Beethoven's 7th Symphony with the sunroof open and the stars more brilliant than I ever get in LA

- 6:30am, I-15/I-70 junction

- hitting 500 miles at 6:20am

- running into a gas station and finding that they sell "Extreme Coffee" and wondering if what they really mean is just "espresso"...?

- 8:02am, iPod dies after having gone through 327 songs

- 9:40am, Colorado state line

- 12:00pm, almost give Grandpa a heart attack when I show up unexpected at his front door

- 1:30pm, almost give Mom a heart attack when I show up unexpected at her office

- 883 miles

Manifesto from the back porch at 2am...

Another something I've discovered in myself to live by:

I seek to make every connection meaningful--to make others revel in what I find compelling about them.  People are the biggest draw for inspiration and I hope to inspire them in the same way.  I wish to turn what I see in their characters back onto them so that they might find the beauty within that they already know exists.  And to show others that same beauty...

Things change, plans change, and I try not to be disappointed.  No Vancouver this Spring Break (unless someone hits me up wanting to go, NOW).  Possibly New York for the week, but who knows.  Friday's come and the optimism I had for the week turning out has faded.  Sometimes you have to let five days go as being what you didn't want them to be...

Check out my friend Travis and vote for him on his quest to be cast in the Big Gay Sketch Show on Logo! He's pretty damn funny and could use your support through votes (another popularity contest--weren't these supposed to be done with in high school?). But check it out anyway! :-)

Love, Love me do... Out.com

Check out this compelling article in the recent issue of Out Magazine. It speaks to the speed with which things are not getting done in Washington and compelled me to think about what other solutions or avenues can be pursued outside of party lines to get LGBT issues (and specifically, marriage equality) passed through Washington. Thoughts?