Bare hardwood floors...

Last night I took the time to clean my room. I re-shelved, re-ordered books, swept, put into storage, took out of storage, and even cleaned the blades on my ceiling fan to avoid the inhalation of nasty dust buildup. As I pulled up the rug to shake it out, I realized something that made me feel a little better about life. Bare hardwood floors. Free of clutter and shoes that should be under the bed, I felt clean and refreshed looking at the unobstructed blades of pine. I think they're pine. For a carpenter's son, I'm pretty disappointing in that department.

As I walked into my room tonight, feeling rather exhausted and fed up with the stress of the day, the freshness of the bare hardwood made me smile. Over the past week, I've been seriously thinking about a number of prospects post-graduation. I recently found out that I will become a Canadian citizen April of 2009 because of a "Lost Citizens" law being enacted. Because of my father's citizenship, I gain automatic citizenship as a first-generation Canadian. Combining that with thoughts of graduate school (after what will probably be a year hiatus), I saw myself in eastern Canada in a Masters Program in Film Production. I've been researching that over the last few days.

For the most part, any change in scenery, whether a year or two or three from now (I will want to come back to LA at some point) holds the wonderful potential for new and exciting trouble to be had. I just know that I'm looking for something new. Something also that is purer and more organized than my time has been in LA. I've learned so much these last four years - about myself and my goals and interests. But I do not buy in the least what I've heard from "older people" that after college life is all downhill.

To compare my future possibilities and the feelings associated with them to the slats that I walk on seems a little absurd, even to me. But for some reason, removing the clutter and clearing a refreshing path to walk on can at least make you feel like you're going in an optimistic direction.

[And a shout out to the three wonderful people who commented on my last entry - you all mean a great deal to me and thanks for sharing! Keep on keepin' on!]

When am I the happiest?

In the midst of a barrage of midterms, a mighty class schedule and work out the wazzo, it always helps to take a step back and understand what balances out the stress, frustration and animosity.

The past week I had a couple of moments where I sat down on the backsteps of the house and realized that I was actually calmer and more content than I thought. Despite a chaotic day at the office or having been up til 4am writing the rest of that midterm, I felt completely calm about life. This took me completely off guard.

So I sit down and ask something that I haven't asked for a while, "When am I the happiest?":

- When I'm in my Colorado backyard with my dog
- When a spontaneous gathering of friends turns into a night to remember
- When I can afford to take someone to dinner
- Going to see a movie alone at the Vista in the middle of the day
- Sending flowers to someone without them knowing
- When I've nothing better to do than drive into the hills around LA

Those are really only just a few, but I want to hear from you.

What are three or four things that make you the happiest?

for(e)thought

"When he is talking to you for the first time, he is drunk. It might be on beer or it could be on something nonalcoholic. He could be intoxicated on the music, the room's general vibe, the wad of cash in his pocket or your gorgeous eyes. Whenever [Rob] is in an outgoing mood, he is intoxicated on something. But even when he is outgoing, a part of him is held back--you can see him thinking things he does not say. It is as if he were partly somewhere else, hearing a secret symphony that you cannot tune into. That is because he is..."

This passage comes from a rather comical (yet frighteningly accurate) astrology book, introducing the fluid Pisces. It seems fitting, so welcome and let's get drunk together!

This marks the premier of my newest pursuit and the cause of much anguish in coming to fruition - my own blog. As I finish my last year of undergraduate uni I felt it time to develop an outlet for both my personal and professional narrative. I hope that this is to be a repository for thoughts and observations--personal and professional-- that describe my current state of constantly accelerating transition and flux. I hope to translate some of these thoughts into coherent and, dare I do myself the honor, enlightening realizations about my time in Los Angeles, my future, my past, and the increasingly elusive definition of myself in the now.

Whatever direction this takes, I hope to meld discussion of my academic interests in avant-garde, experimental, queer and short film with my extra-curricular interests in still photography, martial arts, art and architecture. Blending graphic design, language, philosophy, travel, yoga, and the budding bit of queer activism I have recently undertaken, along with my adventures and discoveries in the city of Los Angeles, I will share my day-to-day and the ideas I glean from it.

And who knows, I might find an increasingly more integrated definition of myself and how I plan to take over the world...or rather, make a space for myself in it. In short, what I have to offer.

So welcome! Please follow, comment, react, revolt, and share yourself with me in the same way I hope to share part of myself with you.