A little something put together in the (spare) time I don't have. Collage of people I've run into over the last four years in Los Angeles... Click to enlarge.

Middle school comes flying back...

Refocusing and Not Letting Go

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

The "Marine Layer"

The fog has rolled across LA for the last three evenings, heavier than I've ever seen it before. As I drive through the bare streets, through the amber cones of light that the street lamps cast down upon the hazy white that my eyes cannot penetrate, I feel cozy and eerily anxious simultaneously. It is a New Year and all of the resolutions others declare have been thrust at me like greetings at a particularly crowded party. I have none of my own.

Not because I feel that I'm perfect, nor because I'm lazy. But I feel that a single (or single set of) resolution(s) is a pointless exercise in tradition. Why are you not making new resolutions every day? My life is a constantly fluctuating continuum of change and evolution, destruction, construction, shifting motivations and desires. The only probable form of resolution in the spirit of the New Years Resolution seems to come in the form of constant examination and manipulation of the ideas I see opening up more possibilities for improvement in myself. On a daily basis.

So as I drive along the streets of LA, cut off from the familiar images of this city by a hazy mist, the city I've been in for four years and which has been host to my transition from awkward high school senior to confident and excited impending graduate, I resolve myself to daily resolutions that will lead me from one foggy night to another.

I have been absent for a while, due to overwhelming obligations at the end of semester, as well as transformations occurring in life... A brief update:

I'm finished with three quarters of the finals work that I have do for the semester and will be done on Friday. Another semester down and another semester closer to the next steps and prospects.

I've recently ended an eleven month relationship. I have not been able to process the emotions due to the number of things I have going on with school.

I have also acquired a seasonal job and will be staying in Los Angeles for the holidays; the first time I won't be home for Christmas.

The last few weeks have led to thought on the following topic.

I've found that the more I'm worked, the times when the responsibilities allotted to me are increasing, I find the greatest opportunity to discover calm. This dichotomy--extreme calm amongst deep chaos--feels balanced and acceptable to me. The times when I have too much calm in my life and not enough to do, I find myself internally restless and wondering. When I'm busy beyond belief, I allow myself the opportunity to find focus, beauty and a path through the mess.

I can't say which of these I find most productive overall. When literal calm provokes internal chaos, ideas are evoked and created. Upset allows for renewal and rejuvenation.

On the other hand, when I'm calm and focused internally, I'm able to work furiously on the outside.

I feel that as of now I prefer the latter, but I can see the benefits of allowing for internal upheaval when given the opportunity of thought and reflection without external distraction.

The next few weeks will relieve me of external distraction, so I look forward to reflecting on the last few months and wondering where I will go in the next few...

This phrase, said by the lawyer representing Chad Hardy, was a rather poignant and, I think, relevant statement...

"My varied experience in the law leads me to view it as a human endeavor, with flaws and limitations that those who deal with it sometimes find frustrating, but with redeeming qualities that ultimately bend towards justice."

San Francisco

I've arrived in San Francisco for the weekend and am remembering just how much I love this city! The architecture, the steep streets, the mini-NY-feel-but-not-the-same mentality... Tomorrow I wander off to film and take photos for my new project for my Contemporary Gay & Lesbian Film and TV class and attend one of the international city hall protests which will be held at the Civic Center.

This city is one of the rare places where I feel entirely comfortable - much like USC felt when I first arrived and knew that I belonged there. I see myself belonging here at some point during my life and the prospect of that is very exciting. I will post photos in the near.

Little Tokyo Shoot

Photo for Intermediate Cinematography. Little Tokyo, Los Angeles.
2008. Robert W. Wood.

Election Week

(photo by Tom Andrews, LAist.com)

PHOTO: My friend Emily Tsakona on the fence of the Mormon Temple, assuming a posture we all know so well and which should be speaking more about this issue than the H8TE.

Last week was one of victory and upset, celebration and sadness. The first African-American President accepted the position with a speech of new vision and new hope which included a group of Americans who were simultaneously losing a fundamental right in three states. California, Florida and Arizona all banned same-sex marriage on the same day that our country "overcame" its greatest civil rights battle. I assure you, that battle is not over.

A recap of last week for me:
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On Wednesday night, November 5, I joined with my friends and allies in reaction to the passage of Proposition 8 which amends the California constitution to ban same-sex marriage. We went in solidarity to a gathering in West Hollywood. The placards with words like "victim," "h8te," and "my family" filled the air with the shouts of thousands, angry at the failure of their government to protect their fundamental liberties. As I roamed the crowd with my video camera, I watched thousands come together under the words of MLK. The looming fire hydrents which had been fitted with crowd control devices stood ready, bringing that generation and ours even closer. After the rally, we set off into the streets for a march.

As twenty unmarked police cars roared by our group with lights flashing and we watched police don riot gear, news that a sit-in was occurring at Hollywood & Highland came to us. Luckily the streets didn't turn to pandamonium, but the energy in the air was edging itself towards revolution. At Sunset and Highland, our group marched around the intersection five or six times, prompting horns and support from cars. While the night felt productive and our voices rang louder than I've heard at any pride fest, it all felt too much like a pre-election rally.
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November 6: I went with more friends and more allies to the Mormon Temple on Santa Monica Blvd. Outside it's imposing gates, at the foot of it's monolithic tower and under the watchful eye of both church elders and LAPD, five to six thousand more people congregated to reflect and protest.

Five hours later, having marched for over six miles through the streets of LA, sitting in intersections, followed by helicopters and escorted by hundreds of LAPD on motor cycles, we came back to the beginning. I cannot describe the feeling that the temple's ominous glow rising above the city, imposing itself on the lives of thousands of queer individuals, had upon me. How powerful and eye-opening was the meddling of the church in the affairs of the state and its ability to protect my CIVIL liberties... An institution I have never been associated except for the support that I show for my Mormon friends in their faith has helped to change the course of history and made my pursuit of the fundamental happiness of marriage just a little bit harder...
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I cannot help but admit that I did not do enough in the lead up to this decision. While I did get out and pass out stickers and palm cards, my biggest downfall here is not prompting more conversations with people around me. I have straight co-workers and religious friends and others close to me who I just assumed would see my side. Now, with remorse, I realize that my failure to say clearly and specifically that they were voting for my rights and my happiness may have prompted them to vote Yes.

I did not make it to the Saturday gathering in Silverlake where ten thousand of my friends and allies pursued their anger yet again... I'm exhausted and can't wait (despite the excitement of public demonstration) for the legal battles and tangibly effective changes which will show that we will not, have not, WILL NEVER, be defeated... It means so much for me to know that myself and others are fighting for something with so much passion and love. That can only be rewarded.

Is this possible at 11pm PST? Tonight. Do we have a new President? Wow.